I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
