I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
