We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We're too hungover to prance.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
