OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
