ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
