I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
