he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
