Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
