New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
