omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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