At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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