My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
