I can text with my tongue
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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