im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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