Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
