Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
