I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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