Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
