see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
