I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
