And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
