How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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