next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
