Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
