Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
