Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
