If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was like eating out sand paper
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
