he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
