McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
