Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
