i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
