Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
