his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
