well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
