I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize