I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
