I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
