maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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