This girl is more easily done than said...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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