nut hugger
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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