Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
