No awkward lesbian experiences without me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sober January is a disaster.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
