Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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