my mouth tastes like poor choices
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
