flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
And then he peed in my hair
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