Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
