Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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