I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
