so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
