We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
