Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
