I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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