i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
