you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
